the deep kiss of change

i've always been in a love/hate relationship with change. on one hand, i love that comfort zones are not made of indestructible materials, and that change is a catalyst that turns the fear of a journey, into the best decision you've ever made. i also hate that change takes things away from you, things and people that you've loved, and in most cases you are the one that ends up leaving them behind, thanks to change.

but i was reminded of a lesson i'm forcefully learning, when a soul sister posted this on instagram today

Lesson: no one can, and will (effectively) change until their natural progression is ready for it.

i've spent years being told by other people, and by my own heart, what i should do, how i should change, and when change is the incorrect term for evolve, but it's now, that my change and evolution is manifesting, simply because now is the right time.

a past love interest came to visit me a few days ago, and we sat and talked for a bit, we talked about our kids, we talked about our respective relationships, our past with each other, and most importantly our growth and maturity over the years, it was like we were meeting for the first time all over again. i was sharing with him, how my thought processes regarding romantic relationships has changed drastically over the years, and more so in just a few months, and he commented "that's why we were never going to work out". it simply wasn't the right time (among a few other things)

when it comes to change and our natural progression, timing is absolutely everything! the emotion, intellect, and will must be aligned for any progress to be effective, not only must we want it, but we must come to a full understanding of why we want it.

i've always wanted to travel the world, and be introduced to the beauty and people outside of my immediate world, but now that i've been blessed with babygirl, i'm ready. i'm ready to pack up my life and my accomplishment and experience the world with her. she makes me ready to want to change, and evolve, my natural progression is aligning, and the pursuit of love makes me ready...our first stop is Montreal, QC for CFSW!

i have this feeling in my butterfly ridden gut that i'm beginning an amazing journey, one that i've dreamed about, and now i'm actually ready for.

love.

morning meditation: shiny giftings

good morning loveahs!

this morning, as i was making good use of my 'babygirl is still sleeping' time, a thought entered my mind, on which i began meditating.

'why is it that we hide our talents/skills/ambitions/desires behind societally decorated walls, 

only coaxing them into the light, when someone else exposes their same giftings to the light?'

is it that we don't feel like leaders? or is it that we underestimate our giftings, only seeing the true potential when someone else 'goes first'?

i've been guilty of that myself, but i've given up being unhappy.
yes! if you didn't know, denying your giftings creates unhappiness. by not letting your true self shine, you are setting yourself up for misery, spiritual unsettling, and unfulfilled purpose.

give up on being second, and aim to be first, even if you are not keen on being the leader out in public, be the leader in your own life and in your purpose, if you don't know how, start by taking one baby step in the direction guided by your spirit. above all, don't underestimate your potential. you are great. you were created to be great. even if someone else can do what you do, no one else can do what you do! let that reverberate to the depths of your being, claim it in your spirit to be true, and shine love. shine.

there is such freedom in doing what you were meant to do.

love.

firmly rooted and beautiful

beautiful.

**if you are one of those women that i have met in the last few weeks that know indira, and have openly scorned my natural hair, have a seat, because this pertains to you.**

this is my second time growing my hair as nature intended her to be.
i've been relaxing my hair for so long now, i can't distinguish a starting age in my memory bank. i decided to big chop around 2008, and i discovered stubborn hair full of lazy, half hearted, confused curls, and i loved her. 2010, i decided that natural wasn't doing it for me anymore, hugely because my natural hair tends to make me look younger than i am, and that is something i reallllyyyy can't afford, and so i gave her a chill pill, and relaxed her. and she looked HOT! and i loved it. the latter part of 2011, i summoned up the courage, to do something i have always wanted to do. i chopped her all off. all of it. and i loved it! she was fabulous. september 2012, i started growing my hair back, from less than any inches, to where i am today, rockin' her in baby twists and celebrating the fact that my lazy, half hearted, confused curls can now be coaxed into a puff.

i've always been proud of my hair in her natural state, i've never paid any attention to the process we've labeled as the 'awkward stage'. i've never shamed her into thinking she is not worthy of her shine, just because she is too short, yet too long....she is always where she needs to be, just as i am.
going out, i've always loved being one of the very few females rockin' my own hair. no braids, no weaves, but root to tip, my own.

now, being on my second natural hair journey, sometimes i put a pretty dress on her and wrap her up, sometimes i dress her up in cornrows, and sometimes i take my baby twists out for car rides, walks, and dates with my love proudly, each bobby pin in it's place, yet the looks i get remind me that free beauty is lost to the eye of the weave wearer.

my sisters from many other misters, traipsing around in long ass weaves taken from indira, continually try to demean and embarrass my baby twists, by trying to make her roots feel inferior to their tracks.

and this baffles me. i've created, and just about perfected the 'no honey, that look of superiority you're trying to give my hair, is what we are not going to do today' look,  and whenever my hair finds herself in such situations, i infuse love, and confidence into her roots, causing her to respond to my affection, thus shining.

your tracks don't compare to my roots. the roots i tend to, and love, and trust to be who she wants to be. the roots that connect with my history, the roots that branch off into many different spiral, curly journeys, shining itself towards sunlight and freedom. ownership. my roots.

sistahs, i love you, i do, i think you and indira's tresses make a beautiful team, but let's get one thing straight, my hair, existing in whatever label you feel compelled to give her, is beautiful. and her journey to existing, is beautiful.

the smile my daughter gets on her face when she tugs on my baby twists, reminds me of that beauty every day. my. ownership. hair is beautiful.

love.